Being pregnant is like a muddled up bundle of hormones in all of their forms. It’s tricky though. You never know when your hormones are justified, and when they’re just your body acting out at full volume overload.
I can’t speak for other people, but I find that for the most part, just extremify my genuine feelings. If I’m frustrated, and in good right, it will come out mega blast, instead of the usual “I will hold it in and let it past”. Or if I’m worried about something, or anxious, instead of my being able to rationalize that worry and hold it in, like I may have been able to do in the past, it will come out in a flood of tears.
While my worry itself has a perfectly logical reason for being there, the flood of tears that follow seems to make me look like a bat crazy pregnant woman. On normal people, there’s a filter. You feel an emotion, you process how strong it is- and whether you should let it out or dock it, and then you react in turn, in accordance with what seems most fit.
If someone makes you really mad for example, your first instinct, pregnant or not, may be to yell at him “piss off you shmuck”. If you’re not pregnant, you might simply say this in your head, fake smile, and move on. If you are pregnant, the filter seems not to handle the process as well. You seem to have two options – one – yell it at the person really loud (which thankfully I know not to do most of the time) or two, burst into tears, at that moment, or at some later point during the day.
It’s like the tears have a super low threshold tolerance. Every time something upsets you, you get closer to hitting that threshold. And it doesn’t have to be things that make you sad to set the tears off. It can be things that give you anxiety, things that make you angry, things that make you frustrated, boredom that doesn’t find an outlet – all of those emotions seem to tick off the tear filter for me. Each time it goes ‘ ping!’ ‘pong!’ and gets one step closer to going off. And then “boom!” – at any given moment, when the threshold is hit, the flood gates open, and it’s all over. The tears flow freely.
Now if a stranger saw a pregnant lady crying, he may have a large amount of empathy for her, after all – who wants to see the pregnant lady cry? People generally tend to have excess empathy for pregnant ladies. They help them with their bags, they ask them how they are feeling, they pick things up for you when you can’t bend.
But husbands, husbands aren’t the same b/c they have to live with the pregnant ladies,24-7, for 39 weeks.
I suppose it gets a bit frustrating to be arguing with someone, and then have them pull out the secret card of tears, and suddenly, it goes from being a legit fight, to you looking like the bully, b/c the other side is pregnant and crying.
So maybe the first few times this happens, the husband side feels sorry he made his wife cry, and he will retreat. But after a while, I suppose it begins to feel like “what the heck, you can’t just start crying, and think that that’s it – you win the argument b/c the tears come out”
And so the husband starts ignoring the tears and continues arguing as if they weren’t there, and the wife suddenly feels very sorry for herself that she’s crying and no one seems to care – even if she may have been crying yesterday, and the day before that and the day before that.
And it becomes frustrating – those tears. The impediment to properly wage war and present your side, or the loss of the possibility not to wage war, b/c you just hit your tolerance threshold at full throttle.
They have that movie – the rules of engagement. I think the rules of engagement change entirely when you’re pregnant, and you have to learn to deal with your spouse differently, as overnight, they launch into somewhat of a different creature. At least in this respect.
Many people enjoy reading pregnancy blogs about how your body will change, or what your baby will look like at this and that stage. Not me. Maybe the first three months I enjoyed that. Now, if I want to read about pregnant people, I look out for funny stories of hormonal outbursts.
I research what brought other pregnant woman to tears, so I can see that I’m normal. My good friend lent me a pregnancy book by Jenny McCarthy (the former playboy bunny) and in it Jenny describes her mounting frustration with her husband, that culminated in her throwing remote controls at his head. I can totally relate to that, as sometimes, that is exactly what I want to do. And not just my husband, lots of people that upset me. I know I sound crazy, but I’m not. It’s just that my emotions seem to reach new extremes in my state. And as I’ve come to lovingly call it – I just have to learn to hold the nasty in.